and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
