so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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