I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
