Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
