I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Apparently you make a good broom.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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