He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
