I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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