To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
