You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
