yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
