3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
