NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
