He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
