Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
