It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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