not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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