Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
