I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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