My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
