I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
