My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
