I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
