No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
