just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
