I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's shark week go big or go home
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
