Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
