If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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