I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize