Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
