She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
