Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
jump out the window naked night went bad
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize