It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
