dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
