if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
