The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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