you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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