I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
