Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
