it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
