It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
cat food counts as protein by the way
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
