Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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