He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
