Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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