Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
