All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize