Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
