You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
