her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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