This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
