awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dear god my vagina.
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