its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
