I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
