he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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