idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
