Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
