I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
