Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
