I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Ambien. No doubt about it.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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