We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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