Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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